Excerpt from book “Bridge to Happiness”

A friend sent me this excerpt from a book the other day.  It put in to words so many things that are in my heart and I wanted to share.

It’s a fictional story but was told in first person and the main character becomes a widow in an instant when her husband is killed in a car accident. They had been married close to 30 years but they had a wonderful love story and close, fulfilling marriage. In this particular scene, she had redecorated her master bedroom and was sharing her thoughts upon returning after the job was completed.

“I was no longer a wife. I was a widow. I hated being defined by loss. I’d rather be defined by all the years we had together–a real gift of my lifetime. I hugged myself as I looked at the new bed. I didn’t see Mike’s spot. I didn’t see him missing. And I lay down and I cried like before, but this time over what I couldn’t see anymore. I just cried and cried because this was goodbye………….I climbed into bed early and paused to look at our picture sitting on the nightstand in a new sleek sterling silver frame. It wasn’t hidden from me at all; it had been there from the moment I stepped into this new room. Our faces stared back at me, and I smiled. Picture in hand, I walked over to the bookshelves and moved some things around, then set the photo there. I crawled back in bed and looked at it from across the room. It belonged on the bookcase with beloved family photos scattered on shelves, between stacks of books, those glimpses of our lives captured so we could never forget…….Mike would always be my blood and bone, so much a part of who I am and the woman I have become. He is my history. He is love defined by my decades of life with him. I did not and do not walk away easily from him. I never could. I did not want to go on in a world without Mike. But I am here and he is gone. To not live my life to its fullest every hour, every minute and second would mean death has more meaning for us than life, than love, than all we were. He is not here to finish my journey beside me. But he is with me….in my mind and my heart, and my children’s heartbeats.”

I would say that I fall in the middle of this picture.  I have not yet come to goodbye nor am I ready to put his picture on the bookshelf among the other glimpses of life that have been captured over the years but I know that the day will come for me…for my children…where life, love and all that we were together and as a family will mean more than death.